OLIVER:
Having your usual?
PAUL:
Not today, Ollie. We’ve come here to make a change in our personal lives. Why not make a dietary change to fit the theme?
OLIVER:
No mayo on your roast beef sandwich?
PAUL:
No, a deeper plunge.
OLIVER:
Whole wheat instead of white?
PAUL:
Think deeper, Ollie.
OLIVER:
Salad instead of chips?
PAUL:
(aghast)
Sacrilege – how can you say such a thing? Now this looks interesting. Pepper crusted Grilled Norwegian Salmon with a side of ….how do you pronounce that word.
Ollie locates item on menu but can’t pronounce the word.
OLIVER:
I don’t know – does it matter?
PAUL:
Of course it matters, Ollie. As a principal I don’t eat food I can’t pronounce.
OLIVER:
Must be difficult for you to eat when you travel abroad.
PAUL:
You bet your sweet arse it is, Ollie.
OLIVER:
How about deep fried Camembert with ciabatta sticks?
PAUL:
Lactose intolerant, Ollie -do you want me dead on the floor?
Waitress appears.
WAITRESS:
What will it be gents?
PAUL:
Since there’s nothing I can eat…I’ll just have a coffee
WAITRESS:
Just a coffee? You never get just a coffee.
PAUL:
It’s a day of change.
WAITRESS:
And a day of diet it would seems.
OLIVER:
Soup of the day for me.
WAITRESS:
All right, one tomato soup and one coffee.
PAUL:
Has Rachel come in yet?
WAITRESS:
Rachel? Oh she’s nipped out for a meeting with our meat suppliers. She should be back in twenty minutes.
Waitress leaves.
PAUL
Right, twenty minutes Ollie. Let’s cut the culinary crap and get to business. Rachel will be back any moment and we have a dispute to settle. You and I, us two, two best friends are both in love with the same woman. We both want to marry Rachel – but only one of us can. Let’s settle this debacle once and for all– like I said, today is a day of change.